I’m on an everlasting hunt to find the perfect place to live, to my taste, that is. Throughout this journey, I’ve been confronted with difficult questions such as: do I dislike this place, or is it just new and I’m uncomfortable? Will I like it more once I’ve adapted? Or is it truly against my taste and not a good fit for me? Am I unhappy or just uncomfortable?
The thing about this dilemma is, it doesn’t just come up when searching for the perfect home base, it shows in all aspects of our lives. We’re constantly confronted with the need to determine if our unhappiness is from leaving our comfort zones or because we’re pursuing something that is truly out of alignment with our souls. Some examples of where this dilemma rears its head are job searching, maintaining friendships, dating, taking care of our health, and many others.
Since this is an inescapable aspect of life, I did a little soul-searching and came up with some methods of distinguishing between unhappiness and discomfort.
time & consistency
No one wants to hear this, I know I don’t, but sometimes we just need to give it some time. Discomfort will usually fade as we become adjusted to a new environment. The trick is to decipher when it’s been too long and it is simply not a good fit.
growth vs. frustration
It can be helpful to ask ourselves if we feel like we’re growing or if we just feel stuck. Growth can be incredibly uncomfortable. Discomfort is not a bad thing—we have to be wary not to take it as a sign that we should run away and hide, to never try something new again. However, if we feel drained, suffocated, and trapped in our current environment, it may be a sign that it is time to move on.
excitement vs. dread
One way we can decipher whether we’re unhappy or just uncomfortable, is by asking ourselves, at our core, how we feel. When thinking of this thing, do we feel curiosity or excitement, or only pure dread?
While it is natural to feel nervousness at times, if there’s no sense of possibility, something to look forward to, when it comes to this thing, then really, what’s the point? Why continue to pursue it?
self-reflection
It can be beneficial to routinely check in with ourselves and get clear on our core values and interests. Through discovering the patterns within our interests, we can easier distinguish our emotions and therefore differentiate between unhappiness and discomfort.
For example, I have always loved everything to do with education. I thoroughly enjoy taking classes, learning new subjects, discovering new words—I could go on forever. Because I know this about myself, I know that any tension or unease I feel when starting a new class or subject, is simply discomfort, not unhappiness.
It doesn’t mean that I suddenly don’t like learning anymore, it’s just that it is new and that is what’s making me feel uncomfortable. I know that the feeling will pass once I adapt to the new environment.
It can also be helpful to ask ourselves: Is this helping me become the person I want to be? Is this leading me to my desired life?
Does this feel true to me or does it feel like I’m forcing myself into a mold?
physical reactions
We must listen to our bodies. How do we feel when thinking or doing this particular thing? Simple discomfort can feel like some tension, maybe some soft butterflies in the stomach, but to feel physically drained and purely anxious all the time is unnatural. This could be a sign that it is not the right fit.
external validation vs. inner peace
It’s difficult to resist the trap of external validation; it lures us in with false promises of unconditional love. With every decision we make, we must ask ourselves if we are doing it for ourselves, for what we feel is right, or if we are doing it to meet external expectations.
We must be completely raw and honest with ourselves. Does this truly bring me a deeper sense of fulfillment? Is this truly what I want for myself?
Outside validation will never satisfy the depths of our souls.
unhappy or just uncomfortable?
My hope is that this article helps illuminate the differences between unhappiness and discomfort for those who need it. It can be difficult to distinguish the two, especially within the chaos of life, but with practice, it can be done.
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