I just finished The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and it’s one of the best books I have ever read. It’s so beautiful, warm, and full of love. Miguel writes in such a gentle loving way that it feels like he’s right there with you helping you every step of the way.
I spent some time reflecting on this book with the help of these wonderful book club questions, and I wanted to share my thoughts!
the four agreements | summarized
If I were to summarize The Four Agreements in just a paragraph or two, here’s what I’d say:
Essentially, we are always dreaming—this life itself is a dream. The humans before us (parents, teachers, etc.) teach us how to dream, or in other words, teach us how to live. We are programmed to properly behave in society. We are taught what to believe, what is acceptable, what is good versus bad, what is beautiful versus ugly, and what is right and wrong.
As real as these teachings may seem, they are not universal truths. They are just a set of rules made up by humans who are no different than you and me. These set of rules, or as Miguel calls them, “agreements”, can be replaced with new ones that are based in love and freedom. And that, my friend, is what this beautiful book is all about. It’s about reclaiming your personal power and becoming free and childlike again.
why I chose to read this book
I’ve been drawn to this book for a while. It’s been floating around the self-help and spirituality world for a long time now. I don’t know why it took me so long to finally read it, but I do believe books come into your life when you are ready to receive the knowledge within them. I read this book at the perfect time and I’m so glad I did.
what I liked most
The writing, the message, the delivery—I loved everything about this book. I especially appreciated how Miguel shared his message. I felt connected to him through his gentle, calm, and relatable writing.
what I learned
Love is at the enter of it all. That’s it. That’s all that matters.
And that we are incredibly powerful. That our words hold infinite power and we must use them wisely and lovingly.
what surprised me
I was most surprised by how gentle and loving this book was. Sometimes self-help books have a rougher edge to them—which can certainly be beneficial at times—but it was nice to read a softer book. It was just what I needed.
most life-changing moments
Within this book, there were two main messages that have altered my life in a way that I’ll never be the same again.
The first was when he talked about the “domestication of humans”. In other words, the programming process we go through as children when we are taught how to live. He explains how we’re domesticated the same way we do to our pets—with promises of rewards and punishments for our behavior. We’re trained to be a certain way, without much freedom to be our true selves.
I loved this section because he put a word to the suffering we all have been enduring since the start of modern society, if not longer. It helped me further understand our wounds as a human race and why we act the way we do.
All anyone ever wants is to be free. Free to be themselves and free to experience life fully. But we are not free because we have been domesticated—forced to be someone that we are not. Every day we suffocate at the hands of these rules.
The second life-changing message was when he talked about mental health in a way I’d never thought about before. He says “humans are mentally sick with a disease called fear”, that “when the fear is too great, the reasoning mind begins to fail, and we call this mental illness”.
He then goes on to say, “psychotic behavior occurs when the mind is so frightened and the wounds so painful, that it seems better to break contact with the outside world”. When I read this, something clicked in me. It allowed me to see my mental struggles from a fresh, outside perspective.
feelings this book evoked in me
Love. Calming, gentle energy. A sense that everything is going to be okay.
A reminder of my personal power—confidence, energy, hope.
my favorite quotes
“the real us is pure love, pure light”
“you can be loving all the time, this is your choice”
“…the discipline to be ourselves, no matter what”
“our normal human tendency is to enjoy life, to play, to explore, to be happy, and to love”
“you can choose to believe in anything, and that includes believing in yourself”
related books I’ve read
The first book that comes to mind is You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. Another is Return To Love by Marianne Williamson.
Both of these talk about love as the most powerful force in the universe and how living in its magic can beautifully transform your life. I highly recommend both of these books. You Can Heal Your Life is one of my favorites of all time.
what’s next? | books + topics
First off, I found that The Four Agreements book also has an online course which I’m looking forward to exploring! I’m sure it’ll help to fill in any gaps in the book and further ingrain these new beliefs into my brain. Here’s a link to it on YouTube.
In terms of reading, I would love to read more books by Don Miguel Ruiz. I love his writing style and his gentle, compassionate way of speaking. I’ve added The Mastery of Love to my reading list and look forward to reading more about life from Ruiz’s perspective.
As for topics, this book made me want to learn more about the brain—through both the scientific and metaphysical perspectives. In fact, I am taking a neurobiology class right now and it’s super interesting so far!
I’d also like to continue exploring the power of the word. It’s something we often use too carelessly, and I’d like to continue learning about using it primarily for love.
Well, that’s everything on The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz from me. I hope you’ll check out the book and let me know how you liked it below! Happy reading:)
If you’d like more book recommendations, here are my favorite self-improvement books.
